Men & Women Jokes

TO MY DEAR WIFE:During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I havesucceeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. Thefollowing is a list of why I did not succeed more often:* 54 times the sheets were clean* 17 times it was too late* 49 times you were too tired* 20 times it was too hot* 15 times you pretended to be sleep* 22 times you had a headache* 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby* 16 times you said you were too sore* 12 times it was the wrong time of the month* 19 times you had to get up early* 9 times you said weren't in the mood* 7 times you were sunburned* 6 times you were watching the late show* 5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo* 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us* 9 times you said your mother would hear usOf the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactorybecause:* 6 times you just laid there* 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling* 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with* 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished* 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you moveTO MY DEAR HUSBAND:I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons youdidn't get more than you did:* 5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat* 36 times you did not come home at all* 21 times you didn't cum* 33 times you came too soon* 19 times you went soft before you got in* 38 times you worked too late* 10 times you got cramps in your toes* 29 times you had to get up early to play golf* 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls* 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper* 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running* 2 times you had a splinter in your finger* 20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day* 6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book* 98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TVOf the times we did get together:The reason I laid still was because you missed and were scr*wing theseets.I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, and amp;quot;Wouldyou prefer me on my back or kneeling? and amp;quot;The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying tobreathe.

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