Men & Women Jokes

The Differences Between Men and Women


NICKNAMES: If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they
will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike, Phil,
Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other
as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.


EATING OUT: And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will
eacht throw in USD20 bills, even though it's only for USD22.50. None of them will
have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.


BATHROOMS: A man has six items in his bathroom-a toothbrush, shaving
cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The
average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man
would not be able to identify most of these items.


GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to
the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge
are half a lime and a soda. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything
that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is
packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this
will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.


SHOES: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit,
then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag
from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five
minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk. A
man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.


CATS: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't
looking, men kick cats.


DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants,
empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will
dress up for: weddings, funerals.


LAUNDRY: Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every
article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about
eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes,
he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain
of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at
the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by re-runs of old episodes of
Love, American Style.


OFFSPRING: Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She
knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best
friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is
vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

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